Keep it Simple!

For more complex things in life.....

Disclaimer: No living beings were hurt during making of this post. This post is not meant to scare the people living outside Mumbai; (Thinkometer: that is Na..) and I am not talking about Navi Mumbai here!


Mumbai local or the local trains of Mumbai are known to be the lifeline of the city. The reason for this is that more people travel in locals than the combined total population of Mumbai and Pune. Those who have traveled in these trains can bet their life on this fact.. literally. The trains have been equally crowded 10 years back as they are today (Thinkometer: and they say outsider population has increased in Mumbai!)

However, there is a difference in which the crowd conducts themselves (Thinkometer: did you say conduct?!) ahh well ahem.. Let me take you to one of the crowded locals and list down the categories of people who share the same seat in harmony:
  1. The Warriors - This is the breed that has evolved over the years by travelling in locals. They get on and out of the train with the energy and expression of Lionidas (Thinkometer: 300!). Their expression is that of revenge while you keep wondering whose revenge!
    Anyone who comes across their way is cut into pieces in cold blood! 
  2. The Confused - This is the breed who got semi evolved but got stuck somewhere in between. Once into the train, these people do not know where they want to go and what they want to do. In one moment they will push you around to get to the left and in another they will want to go to the right.
    These people usually go with the flow in their hard attempts to get evolved
  3. The Illuminated - This breed is named so since their faces are always glowing with the light of their 'Smart' phones. Be it an empty train or a life scaring super crowded train, their face never fails to glow. This breed is increasing day by day (Thinkometer: blame it on Candy crush).
    The growing size of the phones Illuminates people around them too.
  4. The Peepers - This breed has evolved on the cost of The Illuminated! During their entire journey the Peepers will know what the 8 people surrounding them are up to with their glowing faces. They know what you are watching, playing, listening, chatting. They know everything. And they will come for you everyday in the same train, in the same coach, and the same time. Watch out!
  5. The Touch-me-not - This is a rare breed but not completely non-existent. These people get some kind of DNA transformation if they get touched by someone. The DNA then transforms them to shout at people around them.
  6. The Adjustables - This breed is the most adaptive of all the breeds. There is no place in the train, they will make some. You cannot reach out to the shelf for your bag, they will get it for you. You are running for the train (Thinkometer: like DDLJ) they will be your SRK and ensure you get onto the train. They will be indifferent to the crowd in the train.
    You cannot get out of the train due to crowd, they will push you to ensure that you get out. You do not want to get out, they will still push you to ensure that you get out (Thinkometer: What?!)
Indian Railways wish you a pleasant and Safe journey :)


As conveyed in the previous post, here I am with a thunderbolt thought! Yes, I call this a thunderbolt thought because of the sheer awesomeness by which it struck my mind and made me jump and crawl and leap and sleep (Thinkometer: Sleep?) Okay! No sleep! I just wanted to make it rhyme :P

This time I will make complete sense out of this post. I promise. (Thinkometer: And I trust you?!) Err… yes, whatever

In the time when world economy is going ‘Jack and Jill went down the hill’, when disasters strike nations left right and center, when PM’s are getting arrested for being extra lusty, when hackers are sparing no organizations to steal data, when CEO’s are going behind the fences for scandals (Thinkometer: MMS scandals?), when entire nations are going bankrupt, I ask one question “Where has sanity gone?” (Thinkometer: How lame!)

It may sound lame but think about it. Is it just everyone else or are we going crazy too? For example let me start with a list of things that are the stepping stones towards insanity

  1. Realizing you are already insane before reading below
  2. Feeling that the world will end in 2012 and planning to pursue a trip to Hollywood to check if Pamela Anderson has real implants
  3. Still hoping that Obama will bring change
  4. Joining every possible social network out there thinking we might still find new friends. The truth is that it’s the same set of people that keep bumping everywhere
  5. Gifting your wife a barrel of crude oil as the most precious gift on your 25th anniversary
  6. Seriously thinking of hacking as a career option
  7. Believing that Apple with bail out the US economy
  8. Listening to Justin Bieber on full volume
  9. Organizing a slut walk in Bangkok
  10. Considering a Rs.1000 cr. scam to be too small and pity the culprit
  11. Travelling in Air India without praying
  12. Travelling in Air India after praying
  13. Asking your employer to sign a ‘No firing’ agreement
  14. Banging into railway platform pillars to reach Hogwarts
  15. Disagreeing to any of the above point

(Thinkometer: I object my lord!) Objection over ruled :)



Yes! After a billion light years I am back! (Thinkometer: Yes right! And I have been waiting for you like your abandoned loyal wife) I know I know. Agreed that I was a bit caught up with something called 'Life', but I couldn't stay away from this blog especially when the world is becoming so complex. Thats the reason I have named this blog 'Keep it Simple' coz this is how aha aha we like it ;) (Thinkometer: Thats so thoughtful and smart of you)
Totally!
And the heavy downpour for the entire day made sure I got double inspired to start blogging again (Thinkometer: Thats because you have nothing else to do) Duh! I was just being sarcastic.

With this comeback speech may I welcome myself to my creative best (Thinkometer: Was this a comeback speech? The crappiest one ever!) Well.. ummm.. thank you :)
Will be back with some story soon. Hook on :P


With the new year setting in soon, and seeing the super excitement of 31st december, here comes a post on humans eternal love for socializing.

P.S. Thinkometer is on Christmas and New year leave.
I have always failed to understand as to how a person can happily spend Rs.5000/night to go and dance and booze at a place jam packed with thousands of other "yea! Its 31st!" people; just to say goodbye to a year full of recession and economic crisis! And even more, how we all love 31st December unanimously. :)

But I am not going to write about parties now. Lets consider the other side of new year.
Speaking about new year, family gatherings cannot be ignored. 'We are family, lets have fun together' is the mantra! My observation on big family gatherings are rather funny. And the analysis goes like this - All the people will meet at a gathering special family house. The gatherings are then divided into 4 sections, the children's, the aunties, the uncles, and the grandfather only section. Now there are various stages of these gatherings. The initial stage involves everybody sitting together i.e. all the 4 sections have a combined meet. After some time, the sections split apart with mutual unspoken understanding. The uncles get busy discussing business, outings, and share market (If you are a gujju that is). The aunties get busy with discussing children, food and observing each others accessories (Applicable to all ladies). The children get busy with tv, mobile phones and games. And last but not the least the grandfather section observes all the above 3 sections.
Not to forget the occasional overlapping of uncle,aunty and aunty,children section. Next comes the food time where again all the 4 sections come together.

The second last stage is the most amazing part. The stage that gives chance to demonstrate the skills of best photographer in the family. Yea! The Photo session!
What amuses me most is the obsession of people with family photo's. The camera with rolls were better coz then you just had limited photographs and we used each photo carefully. But now with digicams, the photo session stretches from day to night. And the photographs are taken in all combinations - all the sections separately (including the grandfather section :) ), all possible arithmetic and logical combinations of all the people inside each section, each family, different combo's of different couples etc. And I would highlight here is out of 50 pics taken, background of 49 pics would be same. (The grandfather section pic has a chair background)

The last stage is called "Goodbye stage" which lasts for another hour. The ladies of the family preserve 50% of their total conversation quota for saying bye. If this part was to be skipped, the gents would be relieved of waiting and ladies would faint due to non talking frustration.
And thus we all return happily with memories of one awesome family gathering.
Enough analysis for now. Got to go for a family gathering ;)
Cheers and Happy new year! :)


“Oh my God!” / “God save us” / “Holy Lord” and thousand other ‘I-have-no-other-option / my-ass-is-on-fire’ words we utter every day. And do we ever wonder as to where is God and if he ever listens to these words? Actually we are more habituated of these words and say them unknowingly most of the times.

(Thinkometer: Hey am back! Err... are we looking forward to some spiritual session today?) Holy no!

Apart from the hard core god fans, I am sure we remember god only when we are waiting for something to happen or we don’t know what to do! I would like to throw some more light on the later. (Thinkometer: Boring...)

What if we had a number in our phone saved by the name of “God”

(Thinkometer: Amazing! How do you come up with such imaginations! Get a life!) Thanks. Secret: The source of this idea was a special “philosophical” session with friends.

Now the idea of having this contact on cell phone excites me more than knowing how much Headley loves India or how much Angie baby earns per movie. And with the cell phone companies cutting and smashing each other’s tariff plans like a boxing bag, it would be so cheap to be in touch with ‘God’. We can even forward a “Jai Shri God. Send this sms to 25000 people and hear good news in 2 hours” message - by this we can assure god that we always love him!

(Thinkometer: Aah! The great Indian mobile story continues..) Well, my point is not to analyze the best cell phone operator or best cell phone plan available. By the way, Reliance has come up with an all India free STD plan. (Thinkometer: You said you won’t analyze!) I wrote ‘By the way’ :P. Be happy with free information!

Well back to having God in cell phone. We can call him anytime, anywhere. P.S. Provided he has call waiting activated. (Thinkometer: Smarty!) Thanku thanku.

And to think of it, our routine conversations would be like,

Me: Hey God! Wassup!
God: Yes, I am up. Wassdown!
Me: Well.. err.. I need help!

Me: Goddy! How is this girl?
God: Don't look at her. She is a nice girl.
Me: Thanks.

Me: Oh my God! Help! Help!
God: I don't take trouble in saving people from barking dogs you looser!

Me: Should I? Should I not?
God: Why do people get so confused in selecting a place to pee in a public toilet! 3rd one from left seems to be okay.
Me: Hehe. Thank you.

Me: Which restaurant should I go?
God: I am not here for such nonsense questions you moron! (Hangs up)

And to keep up with the exam mood...

Me: Will I pass in this exam?
God: Even God can't save you this time! Muhahaha :D
(Thinkometer: *Sighs*)

Happy talking! :)


2012! So much is being said, debated and feared about this year. (Thinkometer: Knew something on 2012 was coming)

1** I have always admitted my predictability. :P**


From world famous NASA scientists to local wannabe rocket scientists; from Grammy winners to bathroom singers; from country presidents to building residents (Thinkometer: Good rhyme!); from Obama to Osama; every single human on this “3 years to live” planet has his say on 2012. So I thought why not write some crap on this as well. (Thinkometer: No need to mention crap. It’s understood) Huh! I was just being honest :P

As per the reverse countdown specialists, 21st Dec 2012 is the D-Day. (Thinkometer: Isn’t the wedding day also termed as D-Day?) Yes! Anything which has huge destructive non-reversible impact on any human can be termed as the D-Day. Ok, so going by the facts, the Mayan Calendar will end on the D-Day and thus the world will come to an end. And this won’t happen in a single day; we will face a lot of calamities before the D-Day. Now there is a thing with calamities, there is nothing called as biggest calamity happening these days, every new calamity seems to be different, bigger and more Calamitier (Thinkometer: So true, heavy rains caused the sewage to overflow and I lost my 5rs coin and almost swam my way out from that knee deep water) So big to be a calamity! I should have mentioned the innovativeness of calamities. *Sighs*


So I just made a random list of 20 things some people and group of people might want to do before 2012: (Thinkometer: You can’t complete a post without any lists. Can you? ) Refer 1**

  • Obama: I want to bring change at least by 20th Dec 2012!
  • Osama: Destroy USA before that stupid calamity does.
  • Bill Gates: Looking forward to release Windows 2010, 2011 and Windows Final! Boom!
  • China: Of all the things in the world to be destroyed in 2012, 99% should be ‘Made in China’
  • Pakistan: We don’t care about 2012, even if these talibani bastards allow us to survive till 2011, it would be a miracle!
  • Raj Thakrey: No external calamity can come to Maharashtra and trouble the Marathi manoos.
  • Karan Johar: I want to decide my sexual orientation at the earliest.
  • Atal Bihari Vajpayee: Zzzzzz
  • Sachin Tendulkar: Great feeling! I will retire only when the Earth retires
  • Emraan Hashmi: With 2012, I will “kiss” the world goodbye!
  • Himesh Reshamiya: I want to win the Oscar for best actor
  • Thinkometer: I should be involved in at least one sensible topic on this blog before 2012
  • Mayan souls who predicted 2012: We were kidding!

Sorry to interrupt but laziness has struck back! And I don’t want to waste any bit of being lazy in these last 3 years! (Thinkometer: Duh! You just said that the Mayans were kidding)

Err.. I was kidding ;)


Ok! So this post is not about Sharon Stone giving lessons on instincts (Thinkometer: Ahh! I remember her.. that well 'dressed' lady from the famous movie?) Yeah right. And FYI recently that movie got a sequel too which dint work out as the first one did. (Thinkometer: Obviously there is a big difference between instinct at 25 and instinct at 65!) :)

Err.. Back to topic - This post is a result of my instinctive urge to blog and a thought process behind such instincts. I am the biggest self confessed follower of my instincts. 95% of my actions are a result of what I feel at a point of time. (Thinkometer: True! I am reading this crap just out of my instincts) Thank you! I appreciate that.
And if we observe properly, this entire world lives on instincts. Its in our blood, we rarely realise this! Let me give you some examples of decisions made out of instincts i.e. by not thinking on anything:
  • I wrote this post
  • You started to read this post
  • You are still reading this post
  • Sachin pulled a silly shot which got him out at 99
  • Someone slapped you real hard just like that (Someone will be happy reading this)
  • Bush was elected as the president of USA
  • Bush attacked Afghanistan
  • Bush attacked Iraq
  • Obama said he would bring "Change"
  • You are still reading this post
  • I thought I could write 10 examples on instincts!
(Thinkometer: Smarty! You were actually able to give top 10 examples I could ever get) Thanks again! :)
Isn't it quiet evident that instincts are put into action when everything else fails. Infact we use them even before we try everything. And trust me, its all worth it!
The instinct of choice is what is most frequently used. When presented with a tough situation, you either reject the option or go with it. Try asking a person who has been married for 25 years and hadnt had a fight with his wife even once! He would bless his instinct of choosing the right person. (Thinkometer: Wow! Where did you find this person? Does he live on this planet? Are they humans? Do they live in the same house?...) Duh! Atleast pay attention to the main topic of this post! (Thinkometer: Main topic? Ohh ya, Sharon Stone! ) Sick man!
Do whatever makes us happy. Sing, Dance, Shout, Run, Jump, no matter where you are. People dont really care about our actions. But we care - care for 1 life we have got. No regrets!
Brain is not supposed to be used for everything in life, do what our heart says. Infact, when faced with a crossroad, lets go where we feel like going. In the end, we are responsible for our own actions! (Thinkometer: Now these were awesomely philosophical lines!) I know :)
(Thinkometer: Btw what happened to Sharon Stone?) :( :( :(
P.S. I put the above picture because I felt like putting it. Were we talking about instincts? ;)

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